im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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