So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
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