She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
