It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
