I wannas sexs uuuuu
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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