I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
