Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
