dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i now understand why vodka
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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