Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
