i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
