do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Mom said you looked used
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
