yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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