??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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