Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
