Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
