So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
