Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
