i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize