I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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