It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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