Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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