I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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