There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
