If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize