He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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