Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
