i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
