tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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