Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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