i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
