Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
