The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
