If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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