I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
