Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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