i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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