so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
