so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize