I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
only you would photoshop your dick
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
