o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
