I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
