new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
foreskin is a definite game changer
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
