one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
