my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
