dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
