my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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