Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
