Porn is love you can see.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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