i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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