You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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