No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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