her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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