I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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