The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
