Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
