i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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