I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
