i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
