Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize