saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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