are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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