you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
