i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
